The Day He Found Me
by littlemisspat
Summary: Edward leaves. Bella is left behind. Now, after two years, she's pretty sure she doesn't want them back... Or does she?
1. Chapter 1

To those self-torturers out there… Reality is much more harsh than what some other fanfics out there portray.

Disclaimer: I am not Stephanie Meyer, I don't own anything Twilight… or Rob, for that matter… Although I wish. A girl can dream, right?

BPOV:

I never want anything to do with those filthy monsters ever again. They claim that they have hearts, and that they want to retain what possible humanity that they can… But inside, they're just heartless, emotionless, compassionless, cold-ones. They say they love you, they tell you that you're family… and they just up and leave. That's not called retaining humanity, if you ask me.

The _Cullens._ After they left me, I turned into a pathetic heap of bones melting in tears. Charlie tried to help. Fat lot of good THAT'S done me. I stopped writing, I stopped reading, I stopped listening to music… I stopped doing anything and everything.

Did I love them. Yes. At least, I used to. So much so that I gave them my heart and soul, that I overlooked their inhumanity and the constant danger that their identity put me against…

But that doesn't matter now, does it? For all I know, it was all just a joke, a ruse to mess with a poor mortal's heart for a short while of entertainment. I bet they sat at home every night and cracked up about how deeply the frail mortal was falling for their family member. The worst creature I've ever met. The creature that makes me wish I had never been born. Because frankly, the pain, the agony, the embarrassment, and the hatred I went through should never happen again to any other human being.

That mass of unruly bronze hair is the thing I most despise… the thing I make sure to curse everyday before I go to bed. I can't even sleep without the help of medication now. How messed up is that?

After HE left, I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I felt like I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, rich enough, ANYTHING enough for him. I resorted to hurting myself in ways of which I'm not proud. I shouldn't have damaged my body just for that selfish, heartless freak.

If he came back, hell, if his whole family came back, and begged on their knees for forgiveness, I wouldn't blink an eye and send them back to where they came from. But knowing that bronze haired bastard, he probably went off to Alaska or something to go date another woman, human or vampire. That jerk.


	2. EPOV 1

A/N: I love writing this story. It's so depressing… not that I'm, you know, depressed or anything… yea. ;D

EPOV:

I am a jerk. I am a selfish, cold, soulless, jerk. If I could find an effective way to end my existence without the help of others, I would. But no, even the relief of ending my own "life" is not allowed me.

_Bella. Bella Swan. _ The love of my life. My heart, my soul. I had no right to covet her, but I did. I did, even with the possibility that I could kill her, because I am a selfish monster. A jerk. A bastard.

I will never forgive myself for lying to her in such an ungentlemanly, atrocious way. But still, how could she believe me so easily? How could she be so gullible as to doubt the depth of my love for her? Did she really think that I didn't want her to come with me? How? How? How?

I've lost track of time since I've left her in the woods. With each passing day, minute, second, of her life, I wonder if she has ever moved on. But I hope she has. I hope she hasn't. whether I like it or not, I made the choice to leave, and I cannot change the past.

Humans are very resilient creatures anyway. Time makes you forget… As they say, time can heal all wounds. That, also, of course, only pertains to humans, who have a very flawed and imperfect memory, unlike us. We were made to be eternally doomed.

When I met Bella, it was like she was a shooting star, shining light in the dark sky that my life was. No, she was more like the sun. Shining, beautiful, mesmerizing, life-giving… She was everything good. She was, and is, the meaning of my existence.

That's why I needed to leave. She was too bright, too _good, _to have her life and time taken away by filthy, useless creatures like myself. When Jasper attacked her, I had made up my mind. She was eighteen... How clearly I remember that day, that fateful day, which made up my mind to leave her.

I think that was a good decision that I made. The only good one. If I am away from her, surely she couldn't hurt herself too much!

I would… like… to visit her… someday. Without her knowing, of course. I don't think I could bear to look into those deep pools of chocolate without begging her to take me back, to let me be part of her life again… Because truthfully, Bella will always be the sun of my life, even after she lives a long and healthy life and eventually goes back into the Earth, dust to dust. I'll always have her, alive and young, inside my heart. Shining and radiant, my goddess, come to life.

But I can't. I can't doom her to the eternal damnation just so that I can have her to myself. I'm not even quite so sure that she would be willing to take me back if I went to grovel on my knees.

Alaska is a beautiful place, much like my Bella… except that Bella is warm and soft. I had always dreamt of bringing her here, in this mystic world of auroras. I dreamed, and I still do, of her and me laying side by side, looking up at the sky scattered with beautiful, twinkling stars.

But no. I can't. I left her. Bella will surely be able to get over the initial shock and marry someone, someone human, and have a normal, happy life, filled with babies and everything else I couldn't give her. I know that whoever she picks, the man will be a very lucky person, and nobody will ever be good enough for my dear Bella.

I am such a selfish bastard.

A/N: YAY! I love you all who added my new story to your favorites! Please also review if you get the chance. Thank you!!!


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